Sunday, May 2, 2010

Lydia's Doing Good, Dad is Emotional

Lydia was supposed to go to the Imunal Compromised Unit today. They talked about it all morning and then the nurse took her temperature in one ear and it showed a fever. She told the deciding nurse and that turned everything around. It was a major let dwon when my hopes were up to get out of the ICU. I asked the nurse, for my sake, to take her temperature five minutes later and she did. She took three different temperatures. Both ears and her armpit. All three were lower than the first one five minutes before. That wasn't enough to be ok and she is stuck her. Maybe later tonight they will let her out of the ICU is now what I here but it was quite a blow to me at the time. I had already packed everything up and was ready to go. That of course set me up for the emotional brakedown and tear session. The nurse was kind enought to let me vent since Janene was at church and I couldn't call her. Maureen called right at that time and that was helpful to talk to her.
Lydia is doing really good. They just can't figure out why she has these small spikes in temperature. Her lungs, kidneys, and liver are all working good. She breaths raspy but that is just gunk in her throat not her lungs. They are going to do a CAT scan on her abdomin with some contrast going in her just to see if they can find a hidden pocket of infection. In a way I hope they find something so we can be done with this wild goose chase. That will be done today and if it is negative they may move us out of the ICU.
Lydia's personality is totally back since Thursday when the kids came to see her. She is giving every nurse the evil eye like normal, she laughs and smiles at only family, she plays ball, and snuggles her bear. The other procedure that they will most likely have to do is put another PIC line in her other arm. The one they put in a few days ago is right in the crook of her arm so she doesn't have full movement. It is kinking the line and bleading a little. Since we need that line to feed her when we go home we want a good line and not something that just makes us come back later to fix.
I have to leave more in the Lords hands and quit worrying about so much. I have my moms worry geans in me. I know everything will work out but as this drags on it is easy to let my emotions in and worry about things that I need to not be concerned about now. My stallword joking attitude has dissapeared more and more each day. Spencer has been very emotional about getting our family together and normal, as canbe, agian. I think I am as emotional as him and want the same thing. It has been hard. It is worth it for Lydia, but hard.
I think that Janene is truly the stallword one. I am not good at expressing it to her like I should. Without her I would be a wreck. Actually this experience proves it. I am more and more a wreck the longer I am away from her. I love her so much in every way especially for the sacrifice she has done in giving her liver to Lydia. I miss her and my family. Thankfully Lydia has been playing with me now to help reduce my selfish needy emotions. I need to keep working on unselfishness an be more in control of giving out encouragement instead of needing it so much. One day I will be better I just have to keep trying.

3 comments:

  1. This post has brought tears to my eyes. I can't imagine going through this but you and your family are SO strong and I can feel the love you have for them through the words on this page. We are continually praying for you and your family. I hope she gets out of the ICU soon!

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  2. I'm so sorry for the set back. I know what it is like to have the ups and downs in ICU. Brian, it is better for Lydia to be stable and go an extra day or a few hours more....than take any risks. With Jarem...we would think that things were going good and then he would have a fever or another intestinal track problem. I know that the day we were finally out of the NICU....it was wonderful. I think having the roller coaster ride is just part of the healing process and very hard on the family. I felt strong at times and then had my VERY weak moments. I think it is just part of the whole experience. Every day in the ICU feels like a week. Hang in there. Just know that we love and care about you and your family. Let us know what we can do to help. BIG HUG!

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  3. It's OK Brian that you are feeling this way. It's natural and no one is expecting anything different from you or anyone else in your family. You will look back on this experience in a year and think that it wasn't that bad when you see that Lydia is healthy and happy.
    Still sending prayers your families way.
    We love you all
    Kerin & Bernie

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chillin' and grubbin'

Spenc and Lydia enjoying some brocolli (at least the taste of it for Lydia since she just sucks out the flavor and spits it out)